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5 Reasons you Shouldn’t Hate your Ex – 2024 Guide

After a breakup, the emotional pain can be overwhelming. The more intense the injury, the greater the inner resentment, which can sometimes lead to outright hatred. The one who was once loved is now the greatest enemy in your life. And all friends who know your story should join your hatred.

Those who really get into hatred may forget that this is nothing more than another emotional burden. When you hold onto hate, you make sure that the negative energy is nourished from you. And that doesn’t have any pleasant side effects. But why is it better to let go of hatred and how can I find my inner peace?

  1. The emotional injury seeks an exit

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When we are concerned with this intense emotional pain, we look for an exit to relieve the inner pressure of the feelings. Typical of this is the search for the culprit in the matter. Apparently, the emotional pain is relieved when we can declare a culprit. But sometimes that is not enough and the inner pain can still be felt.

Hate seems to be the method of choice because it indirectly serves as a form of punishment. The one who was once loved by you is now punished with hatred. You hope that your bad thoughts will make a difference and that the ex-partner will feel bad.

  1. The negative energy of feelings of hatred and revenge

Hatred and feelings of revenge correspond to a very high level of negative energy. The person who cultivates these attributes must also be responsible for the effects they themselves cause. Anyone who is constantly on the move in a negative world of thought is not a happy person. On the contrary: you can see your bad mood from afar. But maybe you’re not really well either. You sleep poorly and are unbalanced. You are less focused at work and can easily get upset. Because your hatred, which you constantly stir up, ensures that you are not in your inner center. And these effects are not only shown physically and emotionally, but are also reflected in your social world.

  1. Friends withdraw

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The friends who have agreed that you hate the ex-partner in the first few weeks after the breakup are gradually pulling away. And sometimes you even have the impression that they are avoiding you? Maybe this perception isn’t all that wrong. Because it corresponds to the natural reflex that people like to be where there is no stress. We like to be with friends who are balanced and happy. And at some point the topic of your breakup is no longer the top topic of the day for the friends. Because your friends don’t feel this emotional pain that you are feeling. However, to you it seems that your friends’ loyalty needs to be questioned. As a result, established friendships can be broken.

This is especially the case when a good friend wants to stay out of it. Neutrality is not what you are looking for now, but fellow campaigners. For the friend this can be an internal conflict if he is driven to actions that do not correspond to his moral principles.

  1. Children can become a plaything

When children together are involved and there are also questions of custody, the hatred against the partner can increase. This is especially the case if the ex-partner argues with you about custody. The fear of losing the children you love can then become overwhelming. And sometimes that is the reason why resentment turns into hatred. Because not only the former love is obsolete. Now your fears that you will lose your children are also whipped up.

  1. Your spiritual growth will be stunted

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Those who want to achieve inner growth break away from such negative thought patterns and feelings. Because this approach corresponds to the wishes of our ego but not those of the soul. If you are looking for emotional balance, you also have to work on an inner attitude. Hatred, vengeance and resentment are attributes that are not conducive to this. Namely, they feed your ego and your emotional hurt and block the possibility of forgiveness.

Let go of feelings of hatred – why?

It doesn’t matter whether we get extremely upset about something or stir up feelings of hatred. Because both approaches have one thing in common: They produce negative stress. And only you feel this negative stress – not your ex-partner! Those who let go of their feelings of hatred are doing something good for themselves. Because with that you let go of the negative vibration. And if you look carefully, the hatred hasn’t seriously alleviated your emotional pain. If you want you to feel better, it makes sense to let go of the hatred. In this case you make sure that you can relax again and find your way back into a form of inner calm.

Methods to neutralize feelings of hatred

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In meditation, you can say goodbye to negative feelings. As you meditate, you can focus on getting the hatred out of your heart. Anyone who symbolically imagines a basket in which the negative thoughts are placed has created a good approach. There is power in repeating meditation. A one-time meditation may not be enough and it has to be repeated.

Look for new valves

If your resentment needs a valve, try finding a replacement for your hatred. This can be physical work, a long walk or a hike. Sport can also help to reduce excess energy and relax. Everything that has otherwise helped you in a crisis can now also serve as a tool to relieve the emotional tension.

Make a decision

The inner mental attitude plays a big role when it comes to reducing feelings of hatred. Make a concrete decision that you no longer want that! As soon as such thoughts re-emerge, push them aside. You still don’t need to build a loving feeling when it comes to your ex. But the feeling of hatred should no longer find room to develop. Because this feeling determines your life, your thoughts and your inner constitution. Realize that the hatred makes no sense and blocks you from finding your inner center again.

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Talk about your feelings!

Instead of doing hate speech about the ex-partner, it is better to analyze his feelings. Talk about what you feel! This helps to better understand yourself and why you hold onto the hatred.

About the author:

The author El Maya is a spiritual medium and life coach. She has published several books on the subject of soul and karma. You can read more about it at This guidebook contains strategies to reduce your karma and to find the center of your soul.

Life counseling on questions about relationships, family and work are also part of her portfolio. It is their concern to eliminate negative interference fields in life in order to become free of blockages that inhibit inner growth.

About Bayan Bosinovski

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